“Oh….ooo, it took at least six months to settle in,” said my estate agent.    “When I first moved here I rented a place and felt so lonely.  I’d walk down to the launderette and hide my tears behind a newspaper.”  Her only thought was, “Crikey.  What have I done?”

I picked up the keys and the adrenaline that fuelled the energy needed to keep me going all but evaporated. In the echoey silence of a new house I thought I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.  Things I would have normally taken in my stride seemed monumental.  No-one had mentioned the days of sea mist or the wood lice.  Every county has its quirks but this was also the first time anyone had told me to stick to events within my own parish.

My sister spotted a book that proved to be a turning point.  It was by William Bridges, titled Transitions.  Making Sense of Life’s Changes. (Published by Da Capo Press 2004).  The back cover said it all.  “The Neutral Zone….a seemingly unproductive time-out when we feel disconnected from people and things in the past and emotionally unconnected to the present. Yet the neutral zone is really a time of reorientation.  How can we make the most of it?” 

I found it reassuring to read that even when the changes are supposed to be good many of us experience a sort of negative backlash.   I wasn’t exactly showing much gratitude to the winds of fate that had brought me to one of England’s most beautiful spots.  Still, accepting now that this phase would pass, I felt able to start building the emotional connection to my new home beginning with unpacking books, photos and pictures to restore familiarity.

A great piece of advice was to leapfrog my old life into the new because going into places alone or joining a new group of people isn’t easy.  Whenever someone came to stay with me I arranged for us to do something local, beyond walking on the beach or sightseeing. 

Another tactic was to have a couple of home-based complementary therapies like reflexology or Indian Head Massage and to get a mobile hairdresser.  Apart from the relaxing, therapeutic effect, in one-to-one sessions you get much more chance to talk and learn about the place.  I also started to take walks so that I was literally getting earthed and connected to the area around my new home.   

It can be quite exhausting to keep pushing forward to get established and again I took heart listening to other’s experiences, like the estate agent.   And a neighbour admitted, “We moved from the Home Counties because of my husband’s job and for two years I hated it. I couldn’t get to that at home feeling.  Now I love it.”

Top tips

ü      Keep some familiar items around you.

ü      Phone friends and family to reassure yourself that everyone’s still there.

ü      Bring in health/stress support like holistic practitioners.  Eat well and keep up your strength with fresh food.

ü      Be outgoing.  Ask neighbours around for coffee.  Join in as much as you can.

ü      Volunteer/offer your help.

ü      Walk.  Get connected and grounded to the land around you.

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